I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
