Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
