I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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