It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
