I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
