What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
