i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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