Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
