You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
