have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
