mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
