Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
