if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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