my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
