I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My liver just broke up with me...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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