so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
