You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
