dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
