I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
