I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
