i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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