I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
