I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
