I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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