he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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