Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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