We won't sleep together?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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