he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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