i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
