so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
