you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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