Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You made out with two different species that night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
