but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
