you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
