Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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