My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
