Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
