My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
