maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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