Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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