And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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