chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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