i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
