I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think your dad took our porno
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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