I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
