But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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