You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
