Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
