I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
