Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
