Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
