fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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