from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You ruined the universe
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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